Understanding Ourselves

                

I was having a conversation with my sister about our family members, but later it ended as an altercation. She resented the way I was proving her wrong and trying to change her opinion about our Uncle’s decision of making our cousin-brother to study in India. I was with this decision, but she reprimanded it, she thought this decision to be waste of time and money as our cousin-brother never wanted to study anything, but for the sake of his father’s decision and the guilt set by his interminable-leisure with no productivity, he reluctantly had to accept it.

I remember we were talking about him first, but later we were yelling at each other about each other’s dogmatic opinions. Now, it was not about him at all, now it was about us trying to prove ourselves in what we believed in. I kept yelling my ideas and refuting hers, she was doing the same. But what I got to listen in the end was unexpected. She said, with drenched eyes: ‘You are brilliant, I am stupid. How can I ever be right, I am stupid! You are Smart!’ I don't know much about the woman, but that certainly wasn't a compliment, neither were those tears of pride. 

I had offended her and disrespected her opinions. She didn’t cry because she couldn’t argue, she cried because she got tired of defending in what she believed in, and it is same as losing something that is precious to oneself.

This incident set me back to my memory-palace. I remembered those times I got offended in my conversations. Those painful memories! I could imagine the pain she was having then, pain as piercing as someone you admire stabbing a knife in you.

It is surprising how judgmental we humans are. We hear an opinion or an idea, without understanding and realizing what it means to the other person, we tag it with a judgmental phrase, something like: ‘That’s right,’ ’That’s Silly,’ ‘Such an absurd idea,’ ‘You are wrong.’

We ourselves are irrational at our choices but criticize other’s prejudice. I wonder who is 100 percent correct or rational in this world, even if there is, who cares? Besides, the most endearing and prominent part of a person in this world is- ‘I’. Anything that concerns this ‘I’, it matters, however, irrational or illogical one may say.

Reckon, how football fans keep fighting and trolling about the best player in the world- Messi or Ronaldo? This is a never-ending pursuit, how strong evidence a person will come, it won't declare any one of them to be better over other- at least for the fans. If we look at it, it looks irrational: People fighting and making fun of each other for two players who have no idea about them, nor even care as much as fans of being entitled better over other, but still, they do it because they believe in their idol and it matters to them.

We have irrational choices, preoccupied thoughts, notions and prejudices-but this doesn't mean we aren't rational being, this concludes us to be an emotional being, and emotions aren't most of the times rational. Our choices, opinions, views, ideas carry the sentiments of us; and when we refute them, we hurt the sentiments of a person. We can only make a person understand in accepting something, but can't change their mind about what they believe in. When we prove a person wrong, they enter into a defensive and passive mode, where they don't care what we are proving. In this situation, the best-case-scenario would be other person accepting us, but reluctantly, not because they are convinced, but because they got tired defending- just like my sister.

So, this leads us to another trouble, how can we ever make other understand us- Never have a conversation?-No, there is a better way of doing it. There is a golden rule in human relation: “Understand and appreciate others to make other understand and appreciate you.” It is all about understanding and appreciating each other’s opinion. 

Understanding others not only help us to avoid resentment but also it will add a new perspective of seeing the same thing. At the end of the day, that's what we all want, not to have any grudges, guilt or resentment, rather be cherished and enlightened. Trying to prove other's wrong won't help to achieve this. Validating others emotions and opinions would.    

I can never change my sister’s mind on what she believes in, even if I try, it would sabotage her, she would do her best to defend herself, and the ideas would never get across. But, if I try to understand what she believes in, the chances are she would understand and appreciate my ideas back- which, undoubtedly, is a better scenario than what happened.